Quotations on Adultery

You cannot pluck roses without fear of thorns, nor enjoy a fair wife without danger of horns.

~ Benjamin Franklin

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

~ H.L. Mencken

The psychology of adultery has been falsified by conventional morals, which assume, in monogamous countries, that attraction to one person cannot coexist with affection for another. Everybody know that this is untrue.

~ Bertrand Russell

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

~ Henny Youngman

As we all know from witnessing the consuming jealousy of husbands who are never faithful, people do not confine themselves to the emotions to which they are entitled.

~ Quentin Crisp

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers and a bartender.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

When a woman unhappily yoked talks about the soul with a man not her husband, it isn't the soul they are talking about.

~ Don Marquis

Sara could commit adultery at one end and weep for her sins at the other, and enjoy both operations at once.

~ Joyce Cary

When a Roman was returning from a trip, he used to send someone ahead to let his wife know, so as not to suprise her in the act.

~ Michel de Montaigne

You can't tell your friends you've been cuckolded; even if he doesn't laugh at you, he may put the information to personal use.

~ Michel de Montaigne

George S. Kaufman: I like your bald head, Marc. It feels just like my wife's behind.

Marc Connolly (feeling his plate): So it does, George, so it does.

~ Marc Connolly

Is oral sex adultery? Yes! There is no discussion! If curling is an Olympic sport, then oral sex is adultery. And oral sex should be an Olympic sport because it's more difficult than curling and if you're any good at it, you deserve a medal!

~ Lewis Black